Who on earth wants a Goo-y Christmas album? This monstrosity of cheese soaked, soggy cardboard ‘music’ is the ultimate 2020 ‘fuck you’ to fans of this once great band. As if everything else this shit sandwich of a year has served up isn’t enough, the Goo’s end all hope for humanity with this ultimate betrayal of everything the band once stood for. This almost makes me wish for a shit sandwich. More like a soggy lettuce hemorid.

Yes, I hate Christmas albums. Yes, I hate most Christmas songs, although there’s a handful out there that allow me to stop saying bah humbug long enough to enjoy.

And yes, the most recent Goo Goo Dolls output has been largely uninspiring. It’s been a long while since Long Way Down and Slide ruled the airwaves and the band sounded half interested in rocking their fanbase.

But this horrendous record is simply too much. Safe, boring, cheesy and lazy are its good qualities. This is so insipid it makes Wham sound like Napalm Death. One of their kids even sings lead on one track. I don’t even care enough to find out who. It will never pass my ears again.

From tracks that sound more like a badly imitated Tom Petty (his track opens the record) to jazzy Michael Buble standards, this is almost criminally bad.

Only the original track This Is Christmas (which is basically the sappy parts of Iris re-written) has anything remotely connected to the band’s past sound.

No redeeming features to this at all. Horrible. It gives new meaning to the word bland and if your ears can stomach all 30-odd minutes of this disaccharide goo, a good blast of the aforementioned Napalm Death is required to cleanse one’s musical palate.